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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Chemical Fire Hot Foot


As some of you know, I'm a bit impervious to pain these days.  I am working on that though...anywho, it takes a lot to make me say Ouch.  But it always has.  I surf over reefs, have walked off a cracked kneecap, busted ribs, nose, etc.  Yes it hurts but the animal inside can deal with pain.  Then I discovered centipede venom...

3 am.  Wake up.  Heh?  Wha-?!  

Suddenly I am hopping around in the dark.  I turn on the light.  It feels like I stepped in glass.  Soon, the glass seemed to be on fire...I look at my foot and see tiny fang marks with blood dotting out.  Centipede.

The wife is up because I tend to shout when I'm being consumed by chemical fire.  We tear apart the bed.  Nothing.  Nothing underneath.  I can no longer stand so I take the bedding and throw it in the dryer and lay on the couch while the wife looks.

I read this while writhing around in agony with a bag of ice on my foot:
Centipedes have modified legs called forcipules.  So it has fangs as long as it's fucking legs.  But the best part is: "Twenty-six neurotoxin-like peptides belonging to ten groups were identified from the centipede venoms..."  

So as I get used to one chemical cocktail of pain another takes it's place.  The pain is severe but everything I read is broken down to, Yeah it fuckin'A hurts but it won't kill ya.

My poor body.  Surgery, pills and now fangs.  Oh and after 2 episodes of Arrested Development (There is ALWAYS money in the banana stand Michael!) I went back to bed.  Wife never found the centipede.  Then I saw my sweats hanging on the door and shook them.  A blue centipede came out which I crushed with great violence and prejudice.    

Laying there awkwardly I felt good.  This could have been testicle crazy bad if I put on those sweats...


  1. Hope you aught morbo this played in my head as I read it to the end!

  2. Wait...wha? Blue centipedes?! That have FANGS?!! GAH!! Hopefully this is a west coast thing as I have not heard of this here in CNY. And I dig bugs. Still have an active collection and I'm 46. Lol sorry to hear about your pain. Shitty way yo get woken up!