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Saturday, July 25, 2015

M2K Dope Opera: Jason Opens a Can of Beans

He stands there monumentally frustrated, insane and peaking on cocaine and LSD. His body is in a feedback loop. Withering. Dying. He NEEDS this food. Must open can...but his hands tremble. His fingers claw up uselessly. Fuck this. FUCK THIS! A can of FUCKING beans beating me?! No FUCKING way! He jams the weird key thing back in. It twirls, cuts metal and...the motherfucker pops out!

 "FUCK!"

"Jason! Shut the fuck up! I'm watching Sabrina and you are ruining it you twat!"

"Screw you! Devil's Daughter!"

He goes back to the can. Goddamn thing...so hungry. Haven't eaten for days...Refried beans, grated cheddar cheese and tortilla will fill the void of emptiness...Carefully, he inserts the key and twists. It is cutting! And...it pops out again.

GRRRR! Like a video game challenge. Solve the crystal puzzle, open the crystal chest, get the crystal sword, fight the crystal demon...One more time. Easy! Easy...

"FUCK!" 

"Jesus CHRIST JASE! Here! Give me that you fucking retard!"

He watches sadly. Glumly. The can opener works for her. Fucking Kym. She is in league with the devil. Like the can opener. Forces of evil.

"There! Now SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

After some confusion with the microwave, the burrito is really, really good.